Decompressing (Sowing seeds : Part - 1)

ਜੈਤਸਰੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ਛੰਤ ਘਰੁ ੧

ੴ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ ॥

ਸਲੋਕ ॥ ਦਰਸਨ ਪਿਆਸੀ ਦਿਨਸੁ ਰਾਤਿ ਚਿਤਵਉ ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਨੀਤ ॥ ਖੋਲ੍ਹ੍ਹਿ ਕਪਟ ਗੁਰਿ ਮੇਲੀਆ ਨਾਨਕ ਹਰਿ ਸੰਗਿ ਮੀਤ ॥੧॥ ਛੰਤ ॥ ਸੁਣਿ ਯਾਰ ਹਮਾਰੇ ਸਜਣ ਇਕ ਕਰਉ ਬੇਨੰਤੀਆ ॥ ਤਿਸੁ ਮੋਹਨ ਲਾਲ ਪਿਆਰੇ ਹਉ ਫਿਰਉ ਖੋਜੰਤੀਆ ॥ ਤਿਸੁ ਦਸਿ ਪਿਆਰੇ ਸਿਰੁ ਧਰੀ ਉਤਾਰੇ ਇਕ ਭੋਰੀ ਦਰਸਨੁ ਦੀਜੈ ॥ਨੈਨ ਹਮਾਰੇ ਪ੍ਰਿਅ ਰੰਗ ਰੰਗਾਰੇ ਇਕੁ ਤਿਲੁ ਭੀ ਨਾ ਧੀਰੀਜੈ ॥ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਸਿਉ ਮਨੁ ਲੀਨਾ ਜਿਉ ਜਲ ਮੀਨਾ ਚਾਤ੍ਰਿਕ ਜਿਵੈ ਤਿਸੰਤੀਆ ॥ ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਗੁਰੁ ਪੂਰਾ ਪਾਇਆ ਸਗਲੀ ਤਿਖਾ ਬੁਝੰਤੀਆ ॥੧॥ ਯਾਰ ਵੇ ਪ੍ਰਿਅ ਹਭੇ ਸਖੀਆ ਮੂ ਕਹੀ ਨ ਜੇਹੀਆ ॥ ਯਾਰ ਵੇ ਹਿਕ ਡੂੰ ਹਿਕਿ ਚਾੜੈ ਹਉ ਕਿਸੁ ਚਿਤੇਹੀਆ ॥ ਹਿਕ ਦੂੰ ਹਿਕਿ ਚਾੜੇ ਅਨਿਕ ਪਿਆਰੇ ਨਿਤ ਕਰਦੇ ਭੋਗ ਬਿਲਾਸਾ ॥ ਤਿਨਾ ਦੇਖਿ ਮਨਿ ਚਾਉ ਉਠੰਦਾ ਹਉ ਕਦਿ ਪਾਈ ਗੁਣਤਾਸਾ ॥ ਜਿਨੀ ਮੈਡਾ ਲਾਲੁ ਰੀਝਾਇਆ ਹਉ ਤਿਸੁ ਆਗੈ ਮਨੁ ਡੇਂਹੀਆ ॥ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਕਹੈ ਸੁਣਿ ਬਿਨਉ ਸੁਹਾਗਣਿ ਮੂ ਦਸਿ ਡਿਖਾ ਪਿਰੁ ਕੇਹੀਆ ॥੨॥ ਯਾਰ ਵੇ ਪਿਰੁ ਆਪਣ ਭਾਣਾ ਕਿਛੁ ਨੀਸੀ ਛੰਦਾ ॥ ਯਾਰ ਵੇ ਤੈ ਰਾਵਿਆ ਲਾਲਨੁ ਮੂ ਦਸਿ ਦਸੰਦਾ ॥ ਲਾਲਨੁ ਤੈ ਪਾਇਆ ਆਪੁ ਗਵਾਇਆ ਜੈ ਧਨ ਭਾਗ ਮਥਾਣੇ ॥ ਬਾਂਹ ਪਕੜਿ ਠਾਕੁਰਿ ਹਉ ਘਿਧੀ ਗੁਣ ਅਵਗਣ ਨ ਪਛਾਣੇ ॥ ਗੁਣ ਹਾਰੁ ਤੈ ਪਾਇਆ ਰੰਗੁ ਲਾਲੁ ਬਣਾਇਆ ਤਿਸੁ ਹਭੋ ਕਿਛੁ ਸੁਹੰਦਾ ॥ ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਧੰਨਿ ਸੁਹਾਗਣਿ ਸਾਈ ਜਿਸੁ ਸੰਗਿ ਭਤਾਰੁ ਵਸੰਦਾ ॥੩॥ ਯਾਰ ਵੇ ਨਿਤ ਸੁਖ ਸੁਖੇਦੀ ਸਾ ਮੈ ਪਾਈ ॥ ਵਰੁ ਲੋੜੀਦਾ ਆਇਆ ਵਜੀ ਵਾਧਾਈ ॥ ਮਹਾ ਮੰਗਲੁ ਰਹਸੁ ਥੀਆ ਪਿਰੁ ਦਇਆਲੁ ਸਦ ਨਵ ਰੰਗੀਆ ॥ ਵਡ ਭਾਗਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਗੁਰਿ ਮਿਲਾਇਆ ਸਾਧ ਕੈ ਸਤਸੰਗੀਆ ॥ ਆਸਾ ਮਨਸਾ ਸਗਲ ਪੂਰੀ ਪ੍ਰਿਅ ਅੰਕਿ ਅੰਕੁ ਮਿਲਾਈ ॥ ਬਿਨਵੰਤਿ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਸੁਖ ਸੁਖੇਦੀ ਸਾ ਮੈ ਗੁਰ ਮਿਲਿ ਪਾਈ ॥੪॥੧॥
(scroll down a bit for translation/meanings in English)

So in my last post I said that there was going to be a whole lot of prospective coming your way in regards to where Sikhs stand now and I've broken it down into three parts. This, obviously being part one. Now before I say or even fully form the thought of someone not being right or being wrong (Yes, there's a great big difference between the two), my first question always is - am I in the right? And if it is in regards to Sikhi, my simple solution to where I stand and seeking guidance and perspective is - ask Guru. How? well, you go to Guru Granth Sahib, ask your question in Ardaas and look for answers in the Hukamnama. Guru give very clear concise answers, honestly. 

But why did it take me so long to put all these thoughts into words or if Hukanama was the solution why did I wait more than a week before asking Guru? Because I needed to decompress. Since I was a child my emotional pain has always manifested itself into physical pain when I keep it all bottled in. I gave  myself an un-named disease when I was in 8th grade that doctors called variant of a migraine because I had horrible headaches that wouldn't stop for a breath and a portion of my skull turned soft and caved in. Why and how and any other info that made you curious will have to wait 'cause it's a long story and it had to do with a few actual and metaphorical deaths, but I'm perfectly healthy now . Point is, that was personal pain. Pain I felt from what I observed in the world and  the pain that made me ask why exactly would I want to be part of it? But it took 4 year before that pain started taking a physical form and another two years before it became absolutely unbearable. Back then though, I didn't know not sharing, showing or letting go of the emotions was the cause. But it took less then 15 days, for my Panthik pain of what's happening in and with Sikh community to manifest itself into unbearable physical pain. Now if you've ever read anything more then this with attention, it should give you a great deal of insight into how deeply I feel everything and yet how much more important Panth, Guru and Sikhi must be to me to create such an effect in so short a time.

And those feeling and thoughts needed to be sorted out and brought to conclusions before going to Guru because how can I ask him for guidance if I'm not ready to accept and move forward in the direction he points me in. What good would that be? Also had I not, I wouldn't still be able to move my right arm. So I suppose there was some personal incentive involved in there. Since the emotional ciaos over Panthik matter become physical pain on a Saturday, after my half day of work I went straight to one of my best friend's house and spent the night there doing basically nothing and trying to somewhat numb my mind by watching a whole bunch of TV shows so I could stop thinking and sleep. The next week I spent actively doing things that I consider relaxing i.e. gardening, deep deep cleaning the house and having friends over for dinners.  

In all that my thoughts shrank and stretched and tumbled, stumbled, fumbled there way to conclusions and were at rest. Of course, a poem came out of it all and I'll share it soon. And that is when I went to Gurdwara, asked my questions and requested for Hukam from Guru Sahib in form of a very long ardass, to find out the answers. What I asked for was guidance and prospective. I shared all my thoughts manually (and by that I mean, Guru sahib always know what's going on inside you whether you tell him or not, but I sat down and verbally shared all my thoughts) and Guru Sahib said :

 

 (Translation from Sant Singh Khalsa, MD) Guru Granth Sahib, Page - 703 - 704

JAITSREE, FIFTH MEHL, CHHANT, FIRST HOUSE:
ONE UNIVERSAL CREATOR GOD. BY THE GRACE OF THE TRUE GURU: SHALOK: I am thirsty for the Blessed Vision of the Lord’s Darshan, day and night; I yearn for Him constantly, night and day. Opening the door, O Nanak, the Guru has led me to meet with the Lord, my Friend. || 1 || CHHANT: Listen, O my intimate friend — I have just one prayer to make. I have been wandering around, searching for that enticing, sweet Beloved. Whoever leads me to my Beloved — I would cut off my head and offer it to him, even if I were granted the Blessed Vision of His Darshan for just an instant. My eyes are drenched with the Love of my Beloved; without Him, I do not have even a moments peace. My mind is attached to the Lord, like the fish to the water, and the sparrow-hawk, thirsty for the raindrops. Servant Nanak has found the Perfect Guru; his thirst is totally quenched. || 1 || O intimate friend, my Beloved has all these loving companions; I cannot compare to any of them. O intimate friend, each of them is more beautiful than the others; who could consider me? Each of them is more beautiful than the others; countless are His lovers, constantly enjoying bliss with Him. Beholding them, desire wells up in my mind; when will I obtain the Lord, the treasure of virtue? I dedicate my mind to those who please and attract my Beloved. Says Nanak, hear my prayer, O happy soul-brides; tell me, what does my Husband Lord look like? || 2 || O intimate friend, my Husband Lord does whatever He pleases; He is not dependent on anyone. O intimate friend, you have enjoyed your Beloved; please, tell me about Him. They alone find their Beloved, who eradicate self-conceit; such is the good destiny written on their foreheads. Taking me by the arm, the Lord and Master has made me His own; He has not considered my merits or demerits. She, whom You have adorned with the necklace of virtue, and dyed in the deep crimson colour of His Love — everything looks beautiful on her. O servant Nanak, blessed is that happy soul-bride, who dwells with her Husband Lord. || 3 || O intimate friend, I have found that peace which I sought. My sought-after Husband Lord has come home, and now, congratulations are pouring in. Great joy and happiness welled up, when my Husband Lord, of ever-fresh beauty, showed mercy to me. By great good fortune, I have found Him; the Guru has united me with Him, through the Saadh Sangat, the True Congregation of the Holy. My hopes and desires have all been fulfilled; my Beloved Husband Lord has hugged me close in His embrace. Prays Nanak, I have found that peace which I sought, meeting with the Guru. || 4 || 1 || 

 

I think it's self explanatory on where guru says I stand. If nothing, I'm at least on the right path. Because what gave me pain the most was - what do I do? I'd like to be in Punjab doing something that change things now. But I also know the best difference I could make by going to Punjab now wouldn't be anywhere close to the best I can do for Panth by staying on the course of life I am; to help make the change that wouldn't bring results for years, but one that would make a permanent change for the better. Sometimes it's easier to die for a cause then to live and fight a long battle. Because if you die you're a martyr there and then, forever. But even if you lead the battle to victory, and victory becomes history, you sacrifice more then anyone would ever realize and the only gratification comes from within because mostly, world will not remember you. The good thing about that is, being remembered - glory, is not the force that drives you to fight. You're simply driven by wanting to do what's right. And as nice as it is to be recognized for your work, you've already accepted world won't give you any acknowledgment and the one that really matters has always and will always be there.  Regardless of - if you do or don't appear in the golden pages of human history; in the history, the universe is forever recording, your love and sacrifice will remain and be remembered eternally. 

Knowing where I stand, leaves the question of where does Patnh stand in all of this?