Silence

I haven't posted anything in a while not because I haven't written anything in a while. The fact is when I'm too full (of thoughts, emotions, reactions, feelings) I simply don't share. 

Why?

Because in those moment I'm terribly honesty, frank, very straight forward, to the point, hate having to explain, often blunt and even brute on my convictions of whatever is bothering me. It's also when I'm full of all things more then sheer happiness. Most of the time I'm full of happiness to the point of euphoria and that I share. It's everything else I don't. I write it, let myself digest it and then slowly share it with the world when it seems right.

And I do that because experience has taught me world doesn't care for brute honesty and rather than focusing on whats being said, simply concentrates on taking offense and pointing a finger at you instead. 

When the world has made me so full of question that all happiness gets side lined, I have very little patience with tact or how others would be receiving anything I'm saying. In those moments, I simply want understanding that yet I haven't ever received from anyone but my father and a very good friend named Ina. And the lack of understanding and compassion is these moment frustrates me because at some level I feel I'm entailed to at least a tad bit of it from people I love. I'm always there for everyone and always with an understanding, compassionate open mind even when their action contradict my morals and everything I stand for. Because when someone is on edge and seeking comfort, it's not about you, it's about them. 

So now, I simply keep things to myself, until my normal state of euphoria has settled in. Then from the plethora of thoughts and poems that those moments produced, I share a few with incredibly minimum censoring and the carefree-ness of 'it doesn't matter how the world reacts' that has returned to me with my happiness.