Mourning

Every time someone dies, I feel this confusing haze of emotions. Not because I feel the loss, no at all. It because I'm expected to feel it. I'm generally happy at the passing of every life, because it make me feel as if we've all gained something precious. It's not that I have no reverence for life or anything, it's simply that I have a strong belief on the matter of soul. It's not just about faith or religion, philosophies, ideas, science or what's said. No, none of that. All those forms are used to define something undefinable, and it all makes sense in it's own way but none of it truly touch the feeling that come from understanding it. there are no words that can define it, not a poem I could ever write to describe it. It something that have inspired generations of art and beauty with a purpose undeniably unique. So when a soul passes from one life to another, whatever that may be, it makes me happy. It's much like moving homes. As many memories and love the old home has, the new one will have more. It's nostalgic and bittersweet but rather than devilling on leaving the old behind, isn't it better to be excited about the new? That's what we all do when we move, don't we?

In memory of Aunt Deb, the beautiful person in pink on right.

True, death may at  time feel like eviction but even then, it'll take you to new places, adventures and memories. It'll hammer out the strength in you and give you a push to move on. Yes, it'll be hard in the beginning, yes the hardship may extend from months to years, and yes your friends might turn a blind eye and not help you in anyway, but in the end, you'll find your way to some sort of serenity. And yes of course, I acknowledge the bitter ends, suicides, starvations, violent deaths. But regardless of it all, after death, the dead don't suffer. It's the living relations that do. And those are the people who put me in this melancholy that I should be sad. I feel their sorrow, but I do not share it and I cannot pretend to do so. In that I'm at loss as in to what to do. Society expects me to mourn, but I hardly care about what society wants of me. I do what feel right, not is said to be right.

So this is in the sweet memory of an amazing soul who passed away very recently. I wish I knew how to comfort her family. I know they'll all be alright because They're amazing people. It is so rare to meet a big family full of so much love and amazing souls. And I know their warmth will heal them all. All I can do is simply be there, with a warm smile instead of a grim face, because that's what feels right. Because I'm truly happy for her. Because she's not suffering, and everyone else, who's still here, we'll pull each other through. So why would I force myself to be sad, why should I feel bad for not being sad. 

Sikhi has taught me that there is only one soul, so if we're all made of that one soul, how could we ever loose anyone. It's much like Einstein's law of thermodynamics - "energy is never created nor destroyed"