Parental doubts

It seems a long while ago but sometime in last few months me and my dad had on of our long somewhat philosophical conversation, contemplating life. And although our wonderful family has always been very open (I believe it to be the effect of honesty) as I get older I realize that both my parents are becoming more and more open about all matters in life (I didn't think it were possibly to be any more open then we all have been).

Captures my spirit rather well. I'm the younger one of course :)

And is this above mentioned conversation we were talking about my life's present and future in terms of education, career and all that. I've had an absolute freedom on the matter since beginning. I doubt any millionaire may ever have had this much of unconditional support, love and freedom accompanied with trust and faith. I often say what a blessing it is to have my parents, and if I were to define all reason as to why, I doubt a single soul in the world would disagree. It's always been a perfect balance of everything between the two of them. There isn't much in life that wasn't covered either by my mom or my dad. And like all children, I've sometimes been mildly and maybe twice, really annoyed on some matter with them, but even in it's rarity it was a short lived annoyance subdued by that ever present reassuring love I've always been showered with.

So, needless to say, it surprised and somewhat shocked me when my dad said, he doubted some of his action and decisions regarding raising me and my sister. He'd wondered if he should have done something differently or if it was the right response when he'd given it to us on certain matters. Although understanding of where he was coming from floated in quickly, for the moment I was just stunned listening to him over Skype. 

Not that I ever thought me living oceans away as teen was ever easy for my parents, and I am awed at there strength for letting be on my own so far away in a strange country. But the amount of anxiety, and doubt they felt was somewhat of a surprise to me, especially on my dads part. Mother's I believe are generally a bit more soft hearted and I knew my mom's anxiety since she shared it with me when ever it made her worry but my dad never really did.

His worry and considerations and questions although were met with many times over the years, anxiety was an utter surprise. And when I said so to him, I was so glad to know the reason he'd decided to share it with me was because he'd finally concluded within himself that he'd done the right thing. The thing is he doubted if it would have been better, if like other parents he'd pressured us, more so me (it's a much harder job to do. lol) to get a degree in something easily acquired after which a good job is readily available so that I was financially settled as early as could be and than follow my dreams to whatever end with the means at my disposal. Instead of giving me the absolute freedom he had. I'm inexplicably glad that both of us are in unison on this matter that the way it went was best and expanded on the reason why, but for sake of not making this blog into a 10 page long thing, I won't discuss that today.

The best point to take away from this is, all parents do their best, in doing what's best for their kids. In hindsight, something's seem good, something's you think you should have done differently, but as children we should acknowledge all they've done for us. They basically change all focus of their live to the point that our lives become the only thing that truly matters most. And anything less than an eternal gratefulness, wrapped in warmth and unconditional love, shown the best way you can is a failing on our part as kids. 

As for me expressing that gratitude, I shall always aspire to make them proud of raising me, and given the same love, freedom, guidance, prospective and reasoning to all children that I meet. Will I be as good a parent as them; who knows?! I don't even know if I'd ever even be parent yet; but even if I can just be that understanding aunt to my nieces and nephews that are all the kids I know, regardless of the family ties, I'll have given something of that nurture back to the world that I've over the years been so doused in.